How to Live by Your Values in 8 Steps
You are one of the bunch. You are living your life on auto-pilot, going through the motions without looking forward to the “next big thing.” Day in and day out, you are following the recipe: wake up, shower, work, eat well, exercise regularly, sleep a minimum of eight hours a day, and repeat. Something is missing but you don’t know how to even start searching for it.
I was right there with you. Until I wasn’t.
One day, my husband and I decided to seek a financial coach to help us evaluate our money goals and investment opportunities. After an engaging first session with Well Bean Coaching (shout out to Jolie and her amazing business), she gave us what seemed to be a simple assignment: make a list of your values.
Then it hit me. What are my values? Why am I doing what I’m doing and how do I make sure I’m truly living by them? I felt a huge void. I didn’t just want to complete the task in terms of our finances but focusing on my well-being, my career, and my overall life goals.
What follows is a series of steps that helped me not only answer those questions but start the work that would end up directing my actions, decisions, time, AND money spent moving forward.
1. Question Yourself
Let’s start by defining “values”. Values are chosen individual beliefs or principles that inform our priorities, behaviors, and decision-making processes. They are not goals that we aspire to achieve, they rather provide direction and pave a path toward those goals.
Values are the foundation of the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Dr. Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D. This psychotherapy model focuses on acknowledging what matters most to us (a.k.a. our values), so we can find the meaning behind our pain and build a rich and fulfilling life –visit Dr. Hayes website and review his Valued Living Questionnaire for more information.
A value-based life starts by exploring and asking ourselves tons of questions, some of which we may not have answers to yet. But the deeper we dive in, the more time we let our mind simmer and come back to it later, the better.
I’m a firm believer in writing things by hand because it helps my brain process them more deeply. So I recommend grabbing pen and paper and answering the following questions with as much detail as possible:
- When were/are you the happiest?
- When were/are you the proudest?
- When did/do you feel the most accomplished and fulfilled?
- When did/do you feel your best?
- What do you want to make time for every day?
- What do you want to achieve in life?
- What does your dream life look like?
Remember there’s no rush. This step can take various sessions, so spend as much time as you need. For more ideas and questions to explore your values, check the first few chapters of the book Work Optional by Tanja Hester.
2. Identify Your Values
Look at your answers and identify patterns. Do you see any common ground in your responses? If so, make a list. We’ll call them your “common categories”.
To give you an example, here are my common categories:
- Being with my husband
- Spending time with my family
- Traveling
- Practicing self-care
- Helping others
- Having a creative outlet
- Staying active
Next, look at those categories and think of a keyword for each one. If some of them translate into more than one word, that’s ok as there’s no limit. Don’t overthink it, embrace the high and low thoughts that come with this creative process. The beauty of it is that it is 100% yours, so follow your instinct and make it your own.
Here are my keywords:
- Husband
- Family
- Travel
- Explore
- Nature
- Self-care
- Community
- Ownership
- Help People
- Mentor
- Create
- Write
- CrossFit
- Music
- Dance
Guess what? The keywords you come up with ARE your potential values. They don’t have to be in perfect “value-written” form. They are just concepts that are important to you (whether they are a verb or a noun).
3. Organize and Prioritize Your Values
Now that you have a potential list of values, organize and prioritize them. Do some of them seem too similar or represent variations of the same concept? Could you group a few in bigger or broader categories? Are some more important than others? Is there anything missing? Polish your list and add or delete keywords as needed.
Here’s how I organized and prioritized my values:
FAMILY — This one is first and foremost. It’s its own category and only value in it.
CREATIVITY/SELF-CARE
- Create/Write
- CrossFit
- Yoga
- Meditate
- Dance
ADVENTURE
- Explore
- Travel
- Nature
- City Life
- Water
SERVICE
- Mentor
- Help People
- Community
- Ownership
4. Revisit and Reaffirm Your Values
Time to revisit your list to confirm: Do these values represent yourself and what’s important to you? Are these the core concepts that direct (or would ideally direct) your life decisions?
For example, let’s say I need a new apartment. Following my values, I would look for a place within my community, with access to nature and exciting traveling adventures, where I have space and comfort to create, meditate, and practice yoga, etc. And here I am, living in a spacious condo in Calgary, Alberta, with easy access to the river, a drive away from the Canadian Rockies, and just a few minutes from my Crossfit gym.
Reassess, adjust, and reaffirm your values accordingly.
5. Repeat and Have Values Always Visible
I’ve always been a fan of mood boards and the power of visualization. And don’t even get me started with color-coding… so this was a fun step for me.
Write down your final list of values, color-code them if you’d like, and place them where they can be visible AT ALL TIMES. I made color-coded stickies and pasted them on my desk wall so that if I look up from my computer they are right there in front of me. They are the first thing I see when I sit at my desk and the last thing I see when I finish working.
Make it a habit to read and repeat your values (out loud or in your head) every day. Remind yourself that these mighty words fuel your every move.
6. Start Living by Your Values
This is when everything falls into place. Once you start living by your values, meaning, you actively start making decisions and performing actions motivated by these beliefs, you’ll notice a magical thing. Suddenly, everything will gain purpose because you’ll know, deep down, WHY you are acting one way or another. And when faced with a dilemma, or a question, it will become second-nature, almost visceral, to choose and forge your own path.
This doesn’t mean recognizing your values will suddenly make everything perfect. In fact, some of your current behaviors may conflict with items on your list. Mistakes will be made. Challenges will arise. But having clear values will allow you to know your truth and help you work towards living a more honest-to-self life.
As Wetterneck et al. (2013) put it: “Courage may be the difference between simply identifying values and truly living a life that is in accordance with them.” So here’s to being BRAVE!
Ever since I started this value journey, I felt like a 100lbs sandbag was lifted from my shoulders (pardon the CrossFit pun). I was subconsciously living my life according to others’ expectations (or what I thought were supposed to be my values according to how I was raised, today’s society, and “the way things should be”). When I realized I had ownership of the values that directed MY LIFE, the fog started dissipating. And now I’m blissfully enjoying this less foggy road.
7. Invite Others
If you have a husband, wife, or partner, I encourage you to share this exercise with them or ask them to join you. Even if they don’t do it with you, opening up about it will prompt valuable conversations.
My husband and I followed the steps together to come up with our list of values, and it was comforting to see so much common ground between the two of us! Realizing our beliefs were aligned strengthened our relationship and even helped us make some necessary shifts in our lives that might not have happened otherwise.
8. Reevaluate Values Over Time
We are evolving human beings so it is ok if your values change and evolve with you. It’s not a set-in-stone list of commandments that shall not be modified, it should flow as you move on with your life. Check-in with yourself regularly and reevaluate your values as often as needed.
For example, while writing this I realized I have a new value to add to my list: Sustainability. Since I moved to Canada, I’ve been more exposed to zero-waste practices, circular economy, reusing, and recycling awareness. I still have a lot to learn, but I’ve already made changes to my every-day life to the point that this value is now guiding my priorities, behaviors, and purchases! –i.e.: We are now buying some of our home goods at a zero-waste shop. So, I’ll be adding a sticky note with the word “Sustainability” to my value board as soon as I finish this post.
Now It’s Your Turn!
A value-based road could be a rocky one, but it’s oh so worth it. Identifying, prioritizing, and living by your values provides a sense of direction and fulfillment that only you can give to yourself.
I invite you to follow these eight steps and let me know how it goes! If you are already living by your values, I’d love to read about your experience, tips, and resources!
Nita Diaz
nitascoloringbook.com
IG: @nitascoloringbook
Twitter: @nitascolor
